ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
