I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
