you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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