i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
