hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
A+ Viking dick
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
