tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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