Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
