ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Watching her eat just hurts me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
