So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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