The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
