My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
