Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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