Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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