I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
