she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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