I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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