By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
