You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
