Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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