the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
