Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
