Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
