And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
