I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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