Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
