Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
