ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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