Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
