I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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