Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
