Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
