R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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