there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
