dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
