8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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