Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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