I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
