you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
