If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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