she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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