I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize