I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
