Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
