we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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