I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
accomplished twins. life is a go
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
