Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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