got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
