just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
