call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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