Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
