wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
