Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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