Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
