1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
