You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
