Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
