you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I sprained my soul last night
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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