Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
