I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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