My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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