so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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