Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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