i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
