dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
