They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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