So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I could fuck to npr.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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