while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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