my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
