I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
