Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
