I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
