at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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