the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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