The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
vagina is talking i cant
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
