If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
